Your teammate gets the starting position you wanted. The media attention flows to someone else. They get the scholarship, the contract, the playing time, the recognition—and something in you burns. You want to be happy for them, but you're not. You feel jealous, and then you feel guilty about feeling jealous.
Jealousy among teammates is one of sport's most common but least discussed challenges. It's natural, it's universal, and left unmanaged, it destroys team chemistry and individual performance. Mindfulness offers a path through—not by eliminating jealousy, but by transforming your relationship with it.
Understanding Team Jealousy
Why It Happens
Competition within team: Teams involve internal competition for playing time, positions, and recognition. You're cooperating and competing simultaneously.
Scarcity thinking: There's only one starting spot. Only so much recognition. Only so many opportunities. Someone else's success can feel like your loss.
Comparison trap: You see teammates daily. Their success is visible, immediate, and unavoidable. Comparison is constant.
Investment creates vulnerability: You've invested everything—years, effort, sacrifice. When opportunities go to others, that investment feels invalidated.
What Jealousy Feels Like
The complex of emotions: - Envy (wanting what they have) - Resentment (feeling they don't deserve it) - Anger (at situation, coach, teammate) - Shame (for feeling this way) - Insecurity (questioning your own worth)
The physical sensations: Tightness, heat, stomach churn, tension. Jealousy lives in the body.
The mental patterns: Rumination about unfairness. Fantasy about their failure. Criticism of their performance. Mental distancing.
The Damage
To team: - Eroded trust and connection - Communication breakdown - Divided locker room - Reduced collective performance - Toxic culture
To you: - Distracted focus - Reduced performance - Damaged relationships - Bitter internal state - Reputation as difficult teammate
The irony: Jealousy, meant to protect your position, often undermines it. Coaches notice. Teammates sense it. It works against you.
The Mindful Approach
Acknowledging Without Judgment
The first step: Notice that jealousy is present. Don't deny it, suppress it, or immediately judge yourself for it.
Practice: "I notice jealousy arising." That's it. Not "I'm a terrible teammate" or "I shouldn't feel this way." Just acknowledgment.
Why this matters: What we acknowledge we can work with. What we suppress controls us from the shadows.
Understanding the Trigger
Explore: - What specifically triggered this jealousy? - What do I believe I'm losing? - What need feels threatened? - What am I actually afraid of?
Common answers: - Fear of not being good enough - Need for recognition or validation - Concern about future opportunities - Investment feeling wasted
The insight: Jealousy points to something you care about. Understanding the underlying need allows more direct response.
Separating Feeling from Action
The crucial distinction: Feeling jealous and acting from jealousy are different. You don't choose the feeling, but you do choose the response.
The space: Between feeling and action is a gap. Mindfulness widens this gap, creating room for choice.
Practice: "I feel jealous, and I can still choose to be a good teammate. I feel resentful, and I can still congratulate them genuinely."
Transforming the Energy
Jealousy as information: Your jealousy tells you what you want. Can you use this information constructively?
Possible transformations: - Jealousy → Motivation (work harder for your opportunity) - Jealousy → Inspiration (they showed what's possible) - Jealousy → Clarity (this matters to you; now act accordingly)
Practice: "What would I need to do to achieve what they achieved? Can I channel this energy toward that?"
Practical Strategies
When Jealousy Arises
In the moment: 1. Notice the feeling arising 2. Breathe—don't act immediately 3. Name it: "Jealousy is here" 4. Feel where it lives in your body 5. Let it exist without following it 6. Choose your response consciously
The pause: Even a few seconds between trigger and response creates choice. Take that pause.
Handling Recognition of Others
When teammate is praised: - Notice your internal reaction without judgment - Choose to add genuine acknowledgment - Don't fake—find something real to appreciate - Return focus to your own work
Practice: Can you find one genuinely positive thing to think or say? Even if small, authenticity matters.
When You're Passed Over
Processing the disappointment: 1. Allow yourself to be disappointed—it's legitimate 2. Notice jealousy if it arises 3. Seek to understand the decision (if appropriate) 4. Identify what you can control 5. Recommit to your development
What not to do: - Trash-talk the teammate who got the opportunity - Sulk visibly and affect team mood - Withdraw effort - Undermine the teammate's success
Transforming Your Inner Narrative
Unhelpful narratives: - "They don't deserve it" - "The coach is unfair" - "I'm not valued" - "It should have been me"
More workable narratives: - "This is hard. I'm disappointed. What can I do?" - "Their success doesn't diminish me" - "I control my effort and attitude" - "This chapter isn't the whole story"
Working with Comparison
The Trap
Constant comparison: In team settings, comparison is unavoidable. Stats, playing time, recognition—all create comparison points.
The problem: There's always someone doing better on some dimension. Comparison-based self-worth is unstable.
The Alternative
Process orientation: Compare yourself to your previous self. Am I improving? Am I developing?
Values orientation: Am I being the teammate and athlete I want to be? Regardless of others' success?
Present focus: What can I do today, in this practice, on this play?
Practice
Daily reflection: Instead of "How did I compare to [teammate]?" Ask: "Did I give full effort today? Did I improve something?"
Redirect: When comparison mind activates, notice it and gently redirect: "Back to my own work."
Building Genuine Support
The Challenge
The difficulty: How do you genuinely support someone whose success triggers jealousy?
The possibility: It's possible to feel jealous and still offer genuine support. The two can coexist.
Finding the Authentic
The search: Can you find something genuinely positive about their success? Something to appreciate?
Possibilities: - Their success helps the team - They've worked hard; effort deserves recognition - Their improvement inspires what's possible - You'd want support if positions were reversed
The practice: Find one true positive thing. Say it. Mean it as much as you can.
Action Before Feeling
The approach: Sometimes supportive action precedes supportive feeling. Act as a supportive teammate; the feeling may follow.
The mechanism: Behavior influences attitude. By acting supportively, you can shape your own emotional response over time.
Long-Term Relationship
The perspective: You may be teammates for years. The relationship matters beyond any single moment of competition.
The investment: Building genuine connection protects against jealousy's worst effects and creates better team experience for everyone.
When Jealousy Points to Real Issues
Legitimate Grievances
Sometimes: Jealousy can arise from genuinely unfair situations—favoritism, bias, decisions that don't match merit.
The distinction: Is this jealousy talking, or is there a real issue that deserves attention?
How to tell: Would an objective observer see unfairness? Do others see it? Is there evidence beyond your feeling?
Addressing Real Issues
If legitimate concern exists: - Document specific instances - Seek appropriate conversations - Present facts, not emotions - Be open to other perspectives - Accept that not all unfairness is fixable
What not to do: - Let jealousy drive complaints - Make it personal rather than principled - Undermine teammate as proxy for systemic complaint
When to Move On
Sometimes: The situation won't change, and you must decide whether to accept it or leave.
The questions: - Can I be the athlete and person I want to be here? - Is this environment serving my development? - What's the cost of staying versus going?
Key Takeaways
- Jealousy is natural in team settings—don't shame yourself for feeling it
- Acknowledge without judgment—what we recognize we can work with
- Feeling and action are different—you choose your response
- Transform the energy—jealousy can become motivation or clarity
- Find authentic appreciation—even small genuine positives help
- Focus on your process—compare to past self, not teammates
- The relationship matters—invest in connection that outlasts competition
Return is a meditation timer for athletes navigating every challenge—including the difficult emotions that team sport creates. Build the awareness that transforms jealousy into growth. Download Return on the App Store.